Yet another dumb prank email I sent out a long time ago. This one was addressed to the editors of St. Louis' daily newspaper:


Dear St. Louis Post Dispatch Editors,

Let me first explain to you that I have enjoyed very much your paper since I moved to the St. Louis area nine years ago and I have been a very faithful subscriber (except that short time when the St. Louis Sun came out (what can I say? everybody makes mistakes) But I ask you not to hold that against me when I make the following request.

I have heard a rumor several times at work that you are changing the name of your paper to the St. Louis Placemat. Now I understand that a newspaper has many uses. When I am done reading the St. Louis Post Dispatch, I use it for the following: paper-mache, bird pan liner, wrapping material for packages, paper dolls for my grandchildren, alomer wad, drop cloth to proctect the table from spray paint, etc. Even though I think that the St. Louis Post Dispatch would make a fine placemat if you used a few layers and made sure the comics were on top (or Famous-Barr underwear ads for poker games), is this really the image you want to give?

I really think that if your citys biggest newspaper was called the Placemat, that we would not be taken seriously as a city. I think it is great that you want everyone to know that you believe that your paper should be recycled for other uses, but I don’t think that you need to name it something that it could be used for. Who would read the St. Louis Bird Pan Liner, or the St. Louis Drop Cloth?

Maybe instead you could have a section of the front page that says, Todays St. Louis Post Dispatch (when finished) can also be used as the following: placemat, craft paper, bathroom tissue, oil pan dripper, salad catcher, etc.

In conclusion, I think that renaming the paper the Placemat is a terrible idea. Please do not do this to your faithful customers. Others may find it funny, but I don’t, and neither does my nephew.

One other suggestion. Could you please make the sports section as section B and move the Metro section somewhere else? I like to read the headlines first (section A) and then I like to read the sports second to get the tennis scores, so I would like it if the sports section was second. Who wants to wait all the way past the classifieds and the ads to read the sports? No, I’ll take my sports second thank you! I think it would also help young people read the paper more.

Faithful consumer,

Arnold Shabazz

PS Can you suggest any other uses for used Post Dispatches?


The Response:

Thank you for your letter, the contents of which have been noted.

There are no plans at present to change the name of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch.

Guess who's back.

Back again.

Whitmer's back.

Tell a friend.

Found out today that Sarah is bringing back two bottles of my absolute favorite wine - Boordy Vinyards' Vidal Blanc. If you live in Maryland, or ever visit, try to snag a bottle - and don't pass up their Veritas Port if you can find it. It is the best Port you can find. I wish I had a glass right now to go with this cigar.

Uh - oh. Look who is blogging now.

All we need now is a Tommy Lee blog and we'll have a Providence Pastoral Hat Trick.

Sarah has accused me of having obsessive / compulsive traits. I constantly check my pocket for my wallet, keys, like every ten minutes or so to make sure they are still with me. When we travel I'm always counting the bags and checking my pocket for the tickets seeing if we still have everything. If I set something important down I keep looking back to be sure it is still there. Sarah doesn't think that's normal.

If she's right about that, then this burglary thing has sent me over the edge. I keep checking the locks and looking out the window to make sure that the car is still there. (I think they got our other set of car keys.) Everytime I hear a door close outside I run to the window to check it out. Every time I come home I do a walk through to make sure everything is still where I left it. I keep counting the DVD's on the shelf and looking in the closets to see if our stuff is still in the right place.

Last night I slept with my five iron.

Klaas Schilder is off the hizzle.

I mean does my house look like some kind of store where you can just come in and help yourself to whatever you please? Did my selection of wares not suit you enough that you didn't find anything else worthy to take?

When I was in that weird state of half-awake/half-asleep this morning I started putting things together in my mind.

I thought about the box of pasta that was spilled on the floor when I came home from my trip yesterday. I thought the cat had knocked it out of the cabinet.

Seeing the DVD player turned on when I walked in the door, even though I know we left everything turned off but the TV.

Noticing that my Playstation was not on the closet shelf where I usually keep it out of the way, and that my neckties were strewn on the floor of that closet.

I got out of bed and started looking around. The bottle of Jim Beam and the bottle of Bacardi rum that Sarah keeps on the counter... gone. The DVD's are all crooked and out of place. At least two are missing. The Playstation is no where. That old Magnavox single disc CD player that I got for my fifteenth birthday. Not there.

Somebody broke in our house over the holiday when we were gone.

The glass of the window in Bailey's room is cracked. I suppose they got in that way and broke the window in the process. The objects they took are so random, though. Sarah's new viola is still there. My guitar is there. All of the stereo and speaker stuff is still there. Sarah's big keyboard is fine.

They took our DVD copies of "Lord of the Rings" and "No Way Out".

"No Way Out"? Sarah bought that for like four dollars at Wal-Mart. They didn't take any of the expensive DVD collections. They didn't take anything significant, but I'm still mad.

It's all just weird. I'm sick thinking about all the stuff that I still might find missing. We've been working and saving and sacrificing for the past month just to put a few extra dollars together to get Bailey some nice Christmas stuff. Then we go away and someone takes the stuff that we've worked hard for. The stuff that's ours.

Whatever. Hope they had fun.

What a time we live in! I woke up today in Severna Park, Maryland, I'm going to bed in Monroe, Louisiana, and I just returned from spending three hours in Middle Earth.

Ya, ya, I hear you. Major detours with the story. Left some things out. Okay. Still, I loved it.

Maybe it had one or two too many Gimli short jokes. But really, it was great.

Does anyone else think that Gollum was imitating Don Knotts?

I'm back in Monroe...and already missing my wife and daughter who stayed back in Baltimore for a few days, but thankful to be back in one piece...

also thankful for...

...the Southwestern Airlines staff who got the 800 people (by my (honest) rough estimate) who were in line in front of me at the check-in counter through in time for me to get through security and to my gate with time to spare. The line snaked all the way through the halls of Baltimore-International Airport, weaving back and forth like the line at Space Mountain. I got there an hour and forty-five minutes before my flight, so I never really started worrying.

...my in-laws' love and generosity in helping us afford to get to Maryland for Christmas.

...hot crab soup.

...the big chunky flakes of snow that fell on Christmas morning, but had the good sense to melt and go somewhere else before I flew out today.

...that Bailey loved all of her gifts and everything is something that she can use and enjoy.

Now I just have to hunker down and wait until Sarah and Bailey get back on Tuesday.

Shopping list:
Milk
Cereal
Beer

Okay. I'm good to go.

It's Christmas!

Yea!

Bailey loved her Little People Zoo and Playskool Star Wars set. Darth Maul attacked the zoo and held the Elephant hostage while the battle droid herded up the rest of the animals. Obi-Wan swooped in on the wing of the Naboo Starfighter, piloted by Anakin. Anakin was laying down some heavy cover fire when I left, and Obi-Wan was looking for Darth Maul. I'll keep you posted on the events as they unfold.

I got gift bags full of N.T. Wright, Vern Poythress and David Mamet. Cool. I'm set.

Sarah got big fleece socks and pants, a fondue set and some money.

Fun day.

We are all in Maryland at Sarah's parents for Christmas.

Lots of fun stuff going on. Bailey is nuts with excitement. She even repeated after me when I said, "Bailey's nuts."... "Beelee nots!"

Merry Christmas, ya'll.

And... um... don't run with scissors in your mouth.

I rented Moulin Rouge! over the weekend. So many people have said how wonderful it is, I just had to check it out. Sarah left after the first five minutes. She hates when directors use the cameras the way a six year old boy uses a toy airplane.

I stayed with it the whole way. I have never tried hallucinogenic substances, but I think that watching this movie was about the closest I'll ever get to tripping out.

I changed my mind on the whole monkey in a red cowboy hat thing.

I don't want one of those.

For Christmas I want a toy fairyland princess castle. With a tank. And a moat with rabid beavers. Big laser cannon. An a little princess with hair I can brush.

If you mumble something, and I ask, "What was that?"

And you say, "Nothing, I was just talking to myself."

Am I exempt from ever listening to you again?

Forget the pony.

I don't want a pony for Christmas.

I want a monkey in a little red cowboy hat.

And world peace.

This just in...

Rick Capezza has fallen off the edge of the earth.

No further information is available at this time.

Every year along about this time I wish that I had some sort of connection to an NCAA college, so that I would know who to cheer for in all of the bowl games.

It is all interesting and exiting to me, but just like watching a lion chase a gazelle on a nature show, I have no particular affinity either way. It doesn't matter to me who wins.

My school was a private Baptist college and wasn't big enough for a table-tennis team, much less a football team, and though we shared a town with Ole Miss, I never went to one game there. Sarah has a natural reason to cheer for Navy and Maryland, and I enjoy seeing her teams win, but I still feel kind of left out.

So how do you pick a team if you didn't go to a school that had one?

If I don't get a good answer, I'll be asking you again in March.

Scratch the dune buggy.

I don't want a dune buggy for Christmas.

I want a pony.

A white pony with some brown on him.

Somebody, somewhere lamented the future of Tolkien-inspired art now that the movies are out and we now have in our heads what everything is "supposed" to look like.

Um. The movies are Tolkien-inspired art.

How much trouble could you really get into for shooting at the target on the Target sign?

I mean, c'mon, they're asking for it, aren't they?

Some people wonder if this is the dream world, and the other world, the one we see when we are asleep, is really the "real" world.

I'm pretty much indifferent either way, except for the fact that I wish this was the world that had the hot-dog-distributing ferrets.

Don't forget, December is Oompa-Loompa History Month.

If you smack or crack your gum, stop.

Spit it out. You can't have any more.

I'd like to see if I could get Mr. Shabazz to write someone else an email.

Do you have anyone in mind? Someone who doesn't know what a blog is?

Email me at dugarner@lycos.com with their name, address and some information about them.

If it turns out to be funny, I'll post it, but I'll keep their name and revealing information private. Unless it's really really funny, then I'll get their permission.

Another worthless prank email I sent a long time ago:

Dear Temporary Team:

My name is Arnold Shabazz and I am looking for current employment and I was told that if I wrote to you, you might find something for me. A freind gave me this adress since you put her into a very good job. She says that she really enjoys it and that you could probobly do the same for me (I'm easy to please). I have many skills that I know bosses are looking for. I know how to use calculators and computers and forklifts and lathes and have worked for many years in a smelting company over in Alton. I was layed off from that job because of cutbacks and because they are not doing much business anymore, but when I was there I knew just about every job there was to do. So if you know of a place where I could work, then just tell me and I'll go straighten them out!

Also I have a question about your company. Do you put people in perminint jobs or only in part time jobs? Do you have any jobs in your company? I think that I would be good at calling people and answering mail.

I need a job soon so that I can finish paying off the van.

Sinserely,
A. Shabazz, Jr.


The Response:

Thank you for your interest in Temporary Team... We do staffing in office administrative and clerical positions only... if you have any experience (at least 6 months recently) in an office position, I can help...I need you to attach a resume or fax one to me at XXX/xxx-xxxx and we'll go from there...

Who is the friend that referred you to us?

Regards,

Holli Kirk
Branch Manager

You can't help but embrace an optimistic eschatology when you are standing in line at Wendy's and you hear over the Muzak speaker,

"Christ, by highest heav’n adored;
Christ the everlasting Lord;
Late in time, behold Him come,
Offspring of a virgin’s womb.
Veiled in flesh the Godhead see;
Hail th’incarnate Deity,
Pleased with us in flesh to dwell,
Jesus our Emmanuel."

All I want for Christmas is world peace and a dune buggy.

I think I stand a pretty good chance of getting the dune buggy, since not a lot of people are asking for those anymore, and I bet Santa has a lot of them sitting around.

Here is another one of those dumb prank emails I sent out a long time ago.

I sent this one to Bernie Miklasz, sports columnist for the St. Louis Post Dispatch.

I'm not quite sure that I can set this in its proper context for those of you who have never lived in St. Louis or follow St.Louis sports. So I'll just say - The St. Louis Cardinals' Hall of Fame shares a building with the National Bowling Hall of Fame and sits right across from Busch stadium. If you show up on the right days, you can go on a behind- the-scenes tour of the stadium. Dan O'Neill is another Post Dispatch columnist, Jack Buck was the best baseball broadcaster ever and Tony Fossas was a notoriously bad pitcher who had been traded to Seattle the previous year. I promise that all of this is relevant.

Okay... here it is, just as I sent it.

--

Dear Mr. Bernie Micklasz,

Thank you for the many good years that I have had reading your article. You make sports seem so much more interesting. I like your Saturday one as well, though I'm usually not able to read it until Sunday. I think you have a real handle on sports.

On a day last week, the Bowling and Cardinals hall of fame was having tours of the Bush stadium. I went for the bowling, but ended up going on the tour anyway. They took us up to the top of the stadium and down to the bottom of the stadium. They let us sit in the dug out where the players sit and wait to get into the game. There were real major league sunflower seed shells on the floor (I saved some when the guide wasn't looking. Do you think they're worth anything?). But my favorite part was when we got to go up into the press booth. I saw all of the names of the sportswriters on the wall in front of the desk and I saw your name there too. I turned to my nephew and I didn't even have to say it, he knew what I was thinking. I went and I sat in Bernie Micklazzes (your) chair! The very chair that you sit in when you write all those articles!

There was one problem though. When I sat in the chair I heard it pop and everybody in the tour turned around and looked at me. They looked at me like I broke your chair, but I didn't! I think it was broken to begin with! It's not like it was Jack Buck's chair or anything! I tried to explain that, but the chair was broken all right. The blue plastic seat was cracked right down the middle. Noboday talked to me again on the tour after that (not even my nephew). They must have wanted a try in your chair and I ruined it for them. Some of them took turns in Dan O'Neill's chair.

Anyway, all I'm saying is thank you for the articles, and I'm sorry about your chair, even though I wasn't the one that broke it. I hope that the stadium staff was able to supply you with a new chair. I hope that you didn't have to cover this week's games from the floor or even standing up.

I learned a lesson. I'm never going to carry my fat butt downtown to the bowling museum again, and even if I do, I'm not going to sit on anything.

One more thing. I heard a rumor that you were going to go write for the Seattle Intelligencer. Please don't move out there. What kind of paper calls itself an Intelligencer? We have the best paper right here and with a normal name too. Everyone knows what a Post Dispatch is. It rains there and they play sports inside all of the time. Bernie, please tell me you're not going to Seattle? Don't be like all of the other famous sports people and leave St. Louis and go to Seattle. Don't be another Tony Fossas, because I think he's in Chicago now.

Sinserely,

Arnold Shabazz

The Response:

Arnold,

Hey, I'm glad you sat in the chair!
I'm flattered that you wanted to do that!
It may have not been my chair, anyway. When we arrive at the press box every day, the chairs are usually all over the place (not lined up) because the cleaning crew moves them around to do their work. So when we show up, we have to put them back in place. And all those chairs are the same. I don't have a favorite, or anything. I just grab one and sit down. I wish they'd get rid of those chairs, anyway. They aren't real comfortable.

Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for all the kind words, and I can assure you that I'm not going to Seattle. That's a bad rumor. I'm happy right here. Take care, and drop me a line when the spirit moves you.

Cheers,
Bernie Miklasz

Shmoke and a pancake? No?

Can you do anything to a gamut other than run it?

Can you wreak anything but havoc?

I was digging through some book boxes to find a couple of old books and I ran across something that I thought that I had lost.

Several years ago, when the internet was still new to a lot of folks, and almost everybody would answer every email that they got, (excited as they were to be getting email in the first place), I would entertain myself by sending prank emails to different companies, organizations and newspaper columnists to see who would respond. I printed a few of the best ones and saved them, and just found them again last Saturday crammed in between two old textbooks.

You may have picked up one of the "Letters from a Nut" books at one time or another. (I LOVE those books, I own them all and they are hilarious!) What I was doing was in sort of the same vein, but I had not heard of Ted Nancy at that time. I was just doing my own thing.


Here's one I sent to TCI cable in St. Louis (all the spelling and punctuation is exactly the way that I originally wrote it):

Dear Cable Company,

Let me let you know that I do very much enjoy the fine cable servce you have provided me all of these years. I tell everybody who asks that TCI does a bang up job, though not with your trucks. You have some of the freindlyest people working for you and I have never had a problem.

My favorite channel is USA.

I am the Den Father of Cub Scouts in O'Fallon. I have the job of setting up special field trips for the boys and taking them places to do things. This Summer it has been hard to find new things to do, and so when I saw your email address I thought how neat it would be to learn about how cable tv work's. How do you turn all of those waves into tv programming every day?

Do you have tours of your faculties? Could someone show us how cable tv work's? Would you be able to show us around your studio's and show us how the cameras operate? We only have fifteen boys. (Sixteen if you count my son Rodney.) And they are very well manered. They wouldn't touch thing's you didn't tell them to touch.

I asked the boys if they would like to learn about tv and almost all of them said yes. I think that this is a very good educattion opportunity.

Can we do it?

Please let me know soon so that I can finish planning our Summer out.

Cable tv is the entertainment of the future!

Sinserely,
A. Shabazz, Jr.


The response:

Dear Mr. Shabazz,

Thank you for your comments about our services here at TCI. As you may realize, TCI has had a poor reputation with other subscribers and customers... but we here at the production studio are really trying to change that perception (if we can) because we have always believed- customer service is really what matters! We can only hope the rest of the company would follow our lead and do what ever they can to please the people!

In reply to your question about a facility tour; I would love to have your Scout group in for a brief television lesson! We have had elementary classes, college classes, scout troops and special interest groups all here at one time or another to see how we do what we do.

Let me know when you would like to plan your trip and I will see how we can fit you into our schedule.

Thanks again!

Sincerely,
K. Scott Rimell
Local Origination Coordinator-
University City Television Production Studio

What about Santa Claus?

We didn't have to think about it last year because Bailey could barely crawl, much less understand the concept of a fat man sliding down her chimney.

This year Bailey is just advanced enough to understand that there are trees with lights on them everywhere... and that's about it. She's just incredibly excited about... something.

So we don't have to make any Santa Claus decisions for at least another year.

But what do you all do..?

Just hear those sleigh bells ringaling ting ting tingaling too
Come on it's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you
Outside the snow is falling and friends are calling YOOOOOHOOOOOOO
Come on it's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you

Giddy up giddy up giddy up up up
Giddy up up
Giddy up giddy up giddy up
Giddy up giddy up giddy up up up
Giddy up up
Giddy up giddy up giddy up up up up up

That's all I know.

We went toy shopping on Friday night.

We took the last Little People Zoo off the shelf at Wal-Mart, and bought a princess dress-up set (she loves playing with shoes and purses and clothes - we didn't even have to teach her how.)

I have just a couple items left on my list for her. What kinds of limits do you parents set on your Christmas shopping for your kids? Do you set a spending limit or an item limit? How do Grandparents factor into the whole thing?

I'm thinking about giving her a total of three or four toys, but I know that both sets of Grandparents are going to give her lots of things. Is there a point at which they just have so much junk that they don't know what to do with it?

Speaking of toys...

Have you seen the Star Wars playsets that Playskool has put out?
The figures are kind of chunky and are just the perfect size for little fingers, and they don't have any detachable parts to lose or eat. I think I'm going back to get her one of these. I can't decide which one. I know she won't really appreciate it, but maybe at least I'll have something to play with.

I bet the geekiest geek in the whole universe works in the IT/IS department on the Starship Enterprise.

With all the time I've been spending in front of the computer working on assignments, Sarah was beginning to feel like a widow. She was getting pretty bummed out on Saturday.

So for the first time in ages we got a babysitter and went to the movies.

Star Trek: Nemesis. Wow.

It is still soaking in, so I'm not ready to give a complete analysis, but I think it is certainly the best Trek film featuring the crew from TNG. Some of the best action sequences and most profound character development in any of the movies.

I don't want to ruin anything if you haven't seen it, but I do have to say that the Enterprise makes a nice monster truck.

I'm going to take a blog vacation for the weekend.

Lotsa papers to write.

See y'all Monday.

When I would ask my mom if I could do something, and reasoned, "Everyone else is doing it.", she would respond, "If everyone else jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?"

I would reply, "If everyone else wore clothes, would you do it too?"

Here's that quiz that is going around...

By Valerie

1. Which blogger have you known longest online only?

My wife Sarah. We met online, got married online, conceived a child online, and pretty much maintain a solid online relationship that is still going strong after five years. We were planning on actually meeting one weekend that I had free, but Southwest Airlines wasn't running any specials at the time. I still hope to see her in person one day.

2. Which blogger have you known longest IRL?

Chris Smith. We used to play basketball together as kids when we were both growing up in Philly. His nickname was Hambone. Mine was Chico. There we were... Hambone and Chico. We grew up and went to different colleges. I didn't hear of him again until about three weeks ago, when he posted some comment here. We'll have to hook up again one of these days.

3. Which blogger have you spent the most time with IRL?

That would have to be Rick Capezza. Most people don't know he's my nephew by marriage. I used to change his diapers.

4. Which blogger would you most like to meet IRL (that you haven’t met IRL)?

My wife. Hands down. I'll get around to it one of these days.

5. Which blogger do you think has the best blog design?

I can't decide between Barb and Jon Amos.

6. Which blogger do you like most to argue with?

Mike Stewart. I don't even want to get into it. Don't start with me Mikey. I'll whip you like a two-year old redneck in the toy aisle at K Mart.

7. Which blogger makes you laugh the most?

Mark Horne. All I know is that my side hurts when I read his page. But that could also be from eating too much.

8. Which blogger intimidates you the most?

Kristen Knox. She's ordained now, you know.

9. Which blogger do you most wish would post more often?

Paulo. Right now I'm only getting Paulo news about every four minutes. I need a minute-by-minute play-by-play update on the life of Paulo. I can't get enough Paulo!

10. Which blogger do you most wish would get a comment system?

Jon Barlow. I've been meaning to bring this up for a long time. You know, Jon, there are some really good comments systems out there. Just pick one and try it out for a while. Please. We want to interact with what you say, but your blog seems so cold and distant without the opportunity to do so.

Who remembers Thundarr the Barbarian?

M-M-M-MASK is the mighty power that can save the day,
M-M-M-MASK, no one knows what lies behind the masquerades.

Somebody using pacbell.net surfed through here at 5:31 PM Pacific Time, stayed for about a minute, and became my 15,000th visitor!

Thank you all for dropping by! I have a ton of fun communicating with you.

I wish I had something for you today, but I am busy finishing up my work for the semester.

So instead of wasting your time on my page, go waste your time here. It is better than fireworks.

If you go into a fast food restaurant today, when you order, I dare you to say:

"Mmmmm-MMMMM! I think I'd likes me some chockit puddins! C'mon and whip me some up, Melvin."

In our recent move, we happened to relocate ourselves right across the street from the biggest Baptist church in Northeast Louisiana. This church has its own television station that we can pick up quite clearly.

No matter what time of day or night I flip to this station, it seems that some Bill and Gloria Gaither Great Big Freaky Gospel Whoopdeedoo thing is on.

And I'm hypnotized. I can't pull myself away. I don't laugh or grunt. I just stare. Then my eye starts twitching and I get a blinding pain in my forehead.

This old bag is always boo-hooing about something, wiping tears with her little prayer hanky. She gets all overcome with emotion every single time she gets to the fourth verse of How Great Thou Art. Right.

Now take a good look at these people...

That's the "Gaither Vocal Band".

That's Bill Gaither on the far left. He's the mastermind behind such theologically rich gems as "He Touched Me", "There's Just Something About That Name" and "The Family of God". (songs which are the sole basis for more Baptist theology than you could ever imagine.)

Then there's the big mouthed tenor next to him. But look who's right of him. You got it. Mark Lowery. The last time I saw anything of his was when my youth director popped in one of his video tapes at youth group and we all sat in stunned silence, wondering if we should just sort of giggle to make the youth director feel better, or thinking maybe if we stayed quiet he would take the tape out and let us go home. The guy is as funny as dental surgery. Now he's singing. Crazy world.

Then there's that long-haired freak all the way to the right. Every time I see him I want to grab him by his nappy head, take his microphone from him and beat him like a rented mule.

Is this the sort of reaction they are expecting from people when they air this stuff? I mean if they keep it up, one of these days I'm going to walk across the street with a tire tool and it ain't gonna be pretty, Roscoe.

For my fun holiday craft this year, I am going to buy a bucket of chicken, spread the pieces all out on the living room floor and staple the chicken back together.

I think it might make a festive yard decoration. Maybe I'll hang it in a tree out front.

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful... hate me because I keep playing with your power windows and singing with the radio.

Seven years ago today, I swallowed a stick of gum... now what?

You can't go wrong with a Burt Reynolds movie.

There is just no good way to tell someone that you ran over their cat.

Following up on two earlier posts...

Concerning the John Robinson quote, Rich Lusk sent me this:

"Duane here's some info on the Robinson quote. I've seen it 2 places, other than these web sites -- on a taped lecture from Richard Gaffin and in a book. I can't remember which book, unfortunately. Hopefully it'll come to me soon."

Here are the sites:

http://www.cowtown.net/users/nct-cpoa/articles/Chapter_10.htm

http://www.sail1620.org/history/articles/heritage.html

http://www.mlp.org/sermon.html


Secondly, Tim Gallant and Mike Stewart responded to this post encouraging me to join them in rooting for the San Francisco 49ers.

I think I will.

In those dark ages between the time that the football Cardinals left St. Louis in 1988 until the Rams moved to St. Louis in 1995, I was a 49er fan. How could I help myself? With Joe Montana, Jerry Rice, Tom Rathman and later Steve Young, they were the most exciting team to watch at that time, unless you wanted to pull for the Cowboys. (And who would ever do that?)

So this year, I'm going to pull my old #80 San Francisco jersey out of the closet (even though he's in Oakland now), and for a few months I'll cheer for that Garcia guy... but come next fall... its blue and gold baby, blue and gold, do ya hear me?

There are two kinds of people I can't stand.

Those who are intolerant of other people's religious convictions, and Methodists.

This holiday season, let's remember to put the Christ back into Christmas.

And while we are at it, let's put the Advent back in Advent, the Epiphany back in Epiphany and the Pentecost back in Pentecost.

(And if any of you Zwinglians need something to do, you are welcome to work at putting the Groundhog back in Groundhog day, the Arbor back in Arbor day, and the Mother back in Mother's Day).

I performed an interpretive dance with a lit candle to a Sade CD the other day for Sarah. She didn't appreciate it at all, she just kept trying to look around me so that she could see the TV. She never appreciates any of my artistic endeavors. Philistine.

I'm feeling like a total lame-o today.

How do I ask everyone to help me pray for something about which I cannot publicly disclose any details?

The St. Louis Rams' year is officially over. The last three games of the season mean nothing.

My prescription for turning it around next year... Fire Martz. Sit Warner. Make Lovie Smith head coach and Marc Bulger your quarterback.

I'm still waiting for them to call and ask for my opinion.

I know that no one comes here looking for theology, but here is something interesting that Rich Lusk included in his lecture on Saturday.

John Robinson, one of the original Pilgrims to America wrote:

"We have not yet arrived at the goal. There are still treasures in the Scriptures, the knowledge of which have remained hidden to us. All the misery of the Presbyterian churches is owing to their striving to consider the Reformation as completed, and to allow no further development of what has been begun by the labor of the Reformers. The Lutherans stop at Luther, many Calvinists at Calvin. This is not right. Certainly, these men in their time were burning and shining lights; nevertheless, they did not possess an insight into the whole of God's truth and if able to arise from their graves, they would be the first to accept gratefully all new light. It is absurd to believe that during the brief period of the Reformation all error has been banished, just as it is absurd to believe that Christian understanding has completed its task."

I knew a couple who had the exact same problem as these people, only it was with the guy's brother.

I keep having this nightmare where I'm sitting at my computer, trying to post on my blog and I don't have anything productive or interesting to say.

Wow. Glad that never happens in real life.

I know now where we are going to go shopping for Bailey's swim suits.

Did anybody else have Pivot Pool as a kid?

Just thinking about some of my favorite Christmas presents...

Bailey was sick today with a runny nose and a scratchy cough. We did not think it would be wise for her to get out in the damp and cold weather, or to share her germs with other kids, so Sarah stayed home from worship to wipe her nose this morning, and I stayed home this evening.

Turned out to be kind of a weird day as a result... being at church without my family then staying home tonight. I keep forgetting what day it is.

Oh, an just one indication of how sick Bailey is... she picked Medea off the shelf and brought it to me to read before bedtime, saying "Reet ah book? Reet ah book?".

I think we'll stick with Go Dog Go for the present.

Having trouble shopping for someone this year? Here's a gift idea for that person who has everything!

Just got back from the final Dabney lectures for the semester. I was going to post about a few of the great things that were said today, but Bailey just brought me a blanket, a baby doll and a runny nose. She crawled up in my lap and said, "I sick".

So I'm going to get off the computer and give her some attention.

One thing that's better about being married over being single is what I like to call the "magic laundry genie". I think we got it as a wedding present. I throw my dirty clothes on the floor, and then "voila!" the next day they are all clean and in the closet and dresser. Oh, and then there's also the "magic dinner genie".

A couple of pictures from our trip to Roanoke are here. Click on the smaller photos a couple times to enlarge.

I hope that Canada never gets seriously mad at Mexico, because I sure would hate to be caught in the middle of that war.

When exactly does the chip officially become a "nacho". When you put the cheese on, or when you think about putting the cheese on? What about the chips on the edge that don't actually get any cheese on them... are they still technically nachos, or can we come up with a better word?

Not much time to post... I'll just default to one of these boilerplate deals that everyone is using...

8 things on your desk:

can of compressed air
can of compressed ayre
can of compressed eyre
can of compressed heir
can of compressed hair
can of compressed err
can of compressed herr
a pen

7 things you touch every day:

snooze button
nose hair trimmer
Star Wars action figures
wet paint
trigger
fork
the lives of all the people who read my blog

6 movies you can't live without:

Cadence
Under Seige 2
Rocky VIII
Ernest Goes to Camp
How to Install Your New Z-Series Pick-up Camper Top
Some Ligonier Videos I Ended up with Somehow

5 nicknames you have had in your life:

El Conquistador
The Intimidator
Mac Daddy Gangsta
Twinkle Toes
Earl of Southnottinghamwickshire

4 places you want to visit someday:

Germany
Russia
Switzerland
The Nice Part of Louisiana

3 things you wish you could change about yourself:

My number of toes
My susceptibility to injury
My propensity to do things that cause injury

2 phone numbers you call most:

911
Fire Department

1 person you plan to spend the rest of your life with:

Sarah. Because she told me to say that.

Speaking of the TV show "Friends", try singing the RUF version of "Arise my Soul, Arise" and then switch to the chorus of the theme for "Friends".

It is the same song.

Wow, it looks like that guy who plays Ross on "Friends" got himself a recording contract. Cool.

He would be even better if he would ease back on the vibrato a little bit and try actually singing the higher notes rather than wailing them.

I bet that when she married me, my wife had no idea how big a mess I could make just trying to fix up a glass of chocolate milk.

She probably wouldn't have been as mad about cleaning up the mess if she just knew how good that chocolate milk was.

I like peanut butter.

Not so much for the way it tastes, but more for the way it makes people mad when you put it on their keyboard.

Welcome two more Maryland bloggers and members of Sarah's home church...

Elder Bill and Dan.

Okay, so we've got popcorn shrimp and popcorn chicken... how much longer are we gonna have to wait for popcorn ham?

Whenever I hear a DC Talk song, I am strongly tempted to consider some of the other world religions.

Sometimes I like to sit in my chair at work and spin around until I can't remember what my name is. Then I run around the office and and try to give my co-workers wedgies. That way they don't know who I am.

Nobody likes a sore loser.

But you know what kind of loser people like? The kind that always lets you borrow money.

I know that it sounds almost impossible, but good folks at Mountain Dew found a way to make their product taste even worse.

I was thirsty, and the vending machine had only Mountain Dew Code Red, and Root Beer. I would rather drink dishwater than Root Beer, so I tried the new Mountain Dew product.

It tasted like a cross between cherry Jell-o and the floor of a cattle trailer. Not that I've ever tasted either... I've just got a vivid imagination.

Several times on our trip I saw a sign reading, "Speed limit enforced by aircraft."

Enforced by aircraft? That is pretty scary. So if I speed an F-18 is going to swoop out of the sky and blow me away?

Don't they mean monitored?

Who closes the door after the bus driver gets off?

4 days... 1600 miles... 27 Cokes... 4 bags of plastic farm animals... 3 books on tape... 1 1/2 boxes of Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pies... 2 exhausted adults and 1 mostly obedient, occasionally cranky toddler

We left for Corinth, Mississippi after I got off work on Wednesday afternoon. We pointed the car East on Highway 20, and just as we were settling in... brakelights. A long endless stream of them. We rolled at about 5 MPH for almost and hour and a half. Turns out they were painting the bridge over the Mississippi river... had it down to one lane... at 6 PM... on one of the busiest travel days of the year. Wow.

When we finally got out of the traffic snarl at Vicksburg, it was smooth sailing up to my grandparents' house. We hit the hay at 11:30.

My grandparents have never been big on any kind of celebration or holiday observation. They run a grocery store/ gas station / restaurant / full service garage/ tanning bed/ boat storage complex right off a busy interstate. Their business constitutes the sum total of all their interests. They have not been closed a single day since they opened the gas station in 1981 and they along with my Uncle and Aunt micromanage the entire show. They don't leave anything in the care of their employees for even a minute and they don't shut down or change their schedule for the Lord's Day, Christmas or Thanksgiving.

So on Thanksgiving my grandmother traditionally throws some stuff in the oven and then plops it out on the counter for anyone to eat it when they get ready. Then she runs back to the store. Sarah and Bailey and I watched television and played and read for most of the day on Thanksgiving, we visited a few of my former church members for a little while and when we got back, one shift of eaters had already gone through the kitchen. We sat down and ate with a state patrolman who dropped by and was invited to eat. After eating we crawled back into the impressions on the couch that we had been working on all day and flipped around the Dish Network until bedtime.

Oh there's no place like home for the holidays...

Early Friday morning we hopped back in the car and headed for Roanoke, Virginia to meet Sarah's family for her grandmother's 90th birthday party. We kept Bailey busy with crackers and a big bag of toys we bought at the dollar store. Plastic animals, cars, a flute, a fake Barbie doll and some cowboys and Indians entertained her on the whole trip. When we gave her the fake Barbie doll she was especially quiet for about fifteen minutes. I turned the rearview mirror down so that I could see her and she had completely disassmbled the doll. At the moment I looked at her she was attempting to put the head back onto a leg section. I had expected her to play dress-up with the doll, not Silence of the Lambs. Very macabre. I told Sarah to take it away from her and give her the package of toy money.

At around 4:30 we pulled into town and landed in one of the nicest Hampton Inns I have ever seen. The service was outstanding all around. We ate supper with Sarah's parents and grandmother at a neat little restaurant called "The Roanoker". The beer was warm and flat but the flounder was excellent.

After putting Bailey to bed, we ordered "Signs" on the TV in the hotel room. We've been waiting for a chance to see it since it came out. I'll post my thoughts on it later. Sarah didn't sleep well. My imitation of the alien's clicking noise didn't help much either.

We spent Saturday at Sarah's aunt's house, which is large and nestled on the side of a mountain. (The house, not Sarah's aunt.) I met Sarah's cousins for the first time. We watched a little of the Pitt - West Virginia game and some of the Virginia - Virginia Tech match before heading to her grandmother's party.

Ate some shrimp, had some crab dip, tried to stay out of the way. Bailey worked on her motor skills with a fork and a strawberry, and Sarah played some Strauss and Beethoven mood music on the piano.

Jumped out of bed on Sunday morning, ate breakfast, packed and jumped back into the car for the 14-hour haul back to Monroe. The roads were so congested that every time we got close to a big city, we had to stop and roll while the different interstates flowed together. The stopping and going added a good 2 1/2 hours to the trip. We left Roanoke at 8:44 AM eastern and got home at 9:33 PM central.

I could really use a vacation.